


The border of painful

by Tossukka



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode Tag, Fisting, Gloves, Headcanon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-21
Updated: 2012-10-21
Packaged: 2017-11-16 19:30:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tossukka/pseuds/Tossukka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur pulled the glove on, and Merlin felt his mouth go dry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The border of painful

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I wish I could write straight to the point PWP, ESPECIALLY when I'm dealing with a kink, but apparently I always have to fit FEELINGS in. Ugh. Also, I'm aware that this is probably unrealistic and, believe me, I'm facepalming at myself for writing this more than you ever could. So in the aftermath of 5x03 this was created. I'm so out of excuses for writing this stuff it's not even funny. Also, umm. Happy Fisting Day?
> 
> Obviously **spoilers for 5x03** and infidelity, though at this point I don't even see it as infidelity anymore, because come on, have you seen this show?
> 
> I don't even know why Seth bothers betaing these, but thanks for making it better again! It's appreciated!

## The border of painful

Arthur pulled the glove on, and Merlin felt his mouth go dry.

Not only had he fantasised about those hands more than a few times, but he also had a thing for the thought of that black leather on his skin.

He let out a barely audible whimper, but it was enough for Arthur. He stopped and looked at Merlin questioningly. Merlin wasn’t sure where to look. If he kept on looking at Arthur’s leather-covered fist he would get _very inappropriate ideas_ , but if he looked into Arthur’s eyes he would be discovered, because Arthur would surely see the pure _want_ in his gaze.

”Merlin?” Arthur asked.

Merlin gulped and tried to act nonchalant.

“Yes, sire?”

Arthur appeared confused for a moment, but then seemed to notice he was still holding his hands in the air. Arthur looked at the gloved hand for a moment and stretched it open and fisted it again. He seemed to realise the tense atmosphere in the room, and at that moment Merlin hoped he could read Arthur’s mind, because Arthur’s expression didn’t give anything away.

“Shall I?” Arthur asked. Merlin frowned.

“What?”

“Do you want me to show you how _it’s done_?” Arthur asked, and surely Merlin was imagining the husky undertone in his voice.

“Um,” he said.

“You know, Merlin, the thing is to keep the hand rigid while giving the slap. Like this,” Arthur said and slapped Merlin on his upper back. It was not a hard hit, but Merlin said “ow” simply on principle.

“If you mean to keep your hand more pliant you shouldn’t try a slap. Your try with the glove was almost insulting. There are a lot more ways to _horseplay_ than just that.”

Arthur slid his hand up Merlin’s back on the back of his neck where it lingered a moment. Then it continued into his hair, and Arthur pulled at the strands gently. Arthur was practically whispering in his ear now. Merlin had his eyes fixed on the table; he was squeezing the edge of it and trying his best to keep his breathing steady. To not give anything away. Arthur’s hand slid out of his hair and lower. Surely he would not... But no, it stopped on his lower back, and Merlin let out a sigh of relief.

“You know you shouldn’t disobey me, Merlin. I could kill with these hands. I _have_ killed with these hands,” Arthur whispered before stepping away. That was it then. The moment was gone, and it was just another secret that would never be spoken of, kept safe inside Merlin’s mind.

Arthur pulled the wrinkled glove neatly back in its place and slapped Merlin’s bottom briefly. It was so sudden and unexpected that Merlin couldn’t stop the tiny moan that escaped his mouth.

Arthur turned back to look at him.

“Did you just...”

“Did I just what?” Merlin said shakily. “If you don’t need me anymore I could...”

Arthur was fast and strong when he grabbed Merlin’s arm, bending it behind Merlin’s back in a way that reminded Merlin of the first time they had met, and pushed Merlin against the table. Merlin’s stomach pressed against the edge, and he made another involuntary noise.

“Does it turn you on?” Arthur asked. He was whispering, and Merlin wasn’t sure whether or not it was because he didn’t trust his voice to carry properly if he tried to speak normally. “Does it turn you on when I...”

Arthur looked for the right words.

“... the horseplay. Does it?”

“Oh fuck,” Merlin gasped and tried to drag himself out of Arthur’s grasp, but Arthur’s hold on him was too strong. Merlin was aroused, yes, but there was no way he could admit that to Arthur and meet his amused gaze tomorrow. There was no way he would be the one voicing this _something_ that had been building between them for _years_. They had both ignored it so well until now.

There was something poking Merlin’s thigh, he realised. Something hard and insistent that made it clear that Arthur was not... unaffected by this new form of _horseplay_.

“The better question is, does it turn _you_ on, sire?” Merlin gasped, and Arthur let him go like he’d just been struck by a blade.

“I apologise, Merlin. I shouldn’t have...” Arthur trailed off. Merlin was still gripping the edge of the table and was more aroused than ever. They had come so close to finally acknowledging this thing between them, and now Arthur was going to walk away and ignore it _again_?

That was not going to happen. Not this time.

“You mean to say that I shouldn’t try and slap you, because I can’t do it properly, but I could do this instead?” Merlin asked, pushing himself away from the table, stepping closer to Arthur and fisting his hand in Arthur’s hair. They were now so close that Merlin could _taste_ Arthur’s breath, and Arthur was staring at him, shocked. Arthur placed his gloved hand on Merlin’s collarbone.

“You could,” Arthur said, and swallowed. Merlin thought of the power he possessed and how he could probably turn Arthur into a whimpering mess inside his armour in seconds if he wanted to. He opened his mouth and Arthur’s gaze flicked to it. “Merlin...”

It all came down to being brave. Somehow, no matter how many times they had saved each other’s lives and how many times they went on missions that could possibly lead to their deaths, their bravery always seemed to fail when it came to revealing their true feelings for each other. It was always just a whisper away, always in the air but ignored, and Merlin had had enough of it. They both wanted this. They were both thinking about it. It was as certain as the sun rising in the east every morning and spring coming after the long months of winter. It had always been a question of the right moment, being brave enough to acknowledge the want they shared and act on it.

Merlin pulled Arthur’s hair gently and leaned closer to drag his front teeth over Arthur’s lower lip. They were breathing the same air now, but one of them could still pull back; they could still ignore this and go back to what they had always been.

Arthur gasped and moved his mouth against Merlin’s upper lip.

“Weren’t you supposed to _show me_ something, sire?” Merlin whispered, and that was the last straw. Arthur’s hand curled around the back of Merlin’s neck, around the short, soft hair there, and he was sucking Merlin’s upper lip between his teeth. Merlin kept his hand fisted in Arthur’s hair even when he was pressed against the table and bent backwards on it.

“Maybe I should spank you,” Arthur murmured against Merlin’s lips. “You would like it, wouldn’t you, _Merlin_? You would like it if I slapped your bottom with my gloved hand until it was red and aching. You would _ask_ for it from me.”

Merlin gasped and bit Arthur’s lower lip _hard_.

“Would that make you obedient? Would that make you do what I ask of you?” Arthur continued between the nips and Merlin wondered how he still had enough air in his lungs to talk. Merlin twisted his hand in Arthur’s hair and made Arthur gasp.

“Apparently not,” Arthur muttered, and bit down on Merlin’s neck.

“Arthur,” Merlin said. “Please. Take me to bed.”

Arthur stopped and pulled back slightly. He was staring at Merlin in amazement, like he’d had a revelation, like he had been offered something so precious that the possibility of talking with his father again was nothing compared to it. Arthur looked like he would even give up the opportunity to meet his mother one more time if he could just have this one thing.

This had always been them. Merlin fighting Arthur where they disagreed and guiding him in the right direction, but in the end, always in the end, it was Arthur who was calling the shots in their relationship. All Merlin could do was help him to make the right decisions, but it was always Arthur who finally made the choice.

“Okay,” Arthur said. “Okay. I’ll...”

He kissed Merlin again, and this time it was a kiss of passion and tentative hope, not a game or a fight or a competition. Merlin’s lips slid against Arthur’s, and he moaned when Arthur licked at his lower lip.

Arthur moved backwards.

“But not now. Later. We have to...” Arthur cleared his throat. “I need to go to train with the knights, and you have your own errands.”

Merlin’s heart sank. He wasn’t sure that they would ever return to this moment if they left it now.

“Merlin,” Arthur said and swiped a glove-covered thumb across Merlin’s lips. “Later.”

Merlin believed him.

\---

He couldn’t stop himself from having a quick private moment in the darkest corner of the armoury though, before going to help Gaius until Arthur finished his training. He thought about Arthur wearing the gloves to bed and sliding them against his skin. He thought about Arthur pushing one or more fingers inside him, _with his glove still on_ and came harder than he remembered coming in a long time.

\---

Merlin couldn’t stop staring at Arthur’s hands at dinner. Somehow Arthur was out of his armour; he must have asked someone else to help him remove it. The thought hurt a little, but then, Merlin wasn’t sure he could have done it without molesting the king and there wouldn’t have been time for that between all their chores. Gwen was still absent from the table, and Merlin felt a touch of guilt when he thought about her. She was his friend, and Merlin didn’t want to do anything to hurt her. Arthur was Gwen’s husband, and it was unfair to her that Merlin wanted to have this from Arthur.

But Arthur was Merlin’s too. The same commitment was there, had always been there, far longer than the commitment between Arthur and Gwen, and Merlin pushed the feeling aside. Arthur was _his_ master, _his_ king, and him being married to Gwen didn’t make _their_ bond any weaker. Arthur couldn’t have chosen Merlin, could never have chosen him because he was a man, and they both knew that, but they had always chosen each other in every other way that mattered.

Gwen probably knew that too.

So when Arthur leaned closer to whisper “come to my room after this” when Merlin was pouring more wine in his cup, Merlin just nodded.

\---

Merlin followed Arthur into his chambers after dinner and nervously twisted and turned on the doorstep.

“Close the door, Merlin,” Arthur commanded, and Merlin did as he was told.

Arthur pulled a glove onto his right hand, and Merlin realised it was not the slightly worn out black glove Arthur normally wore but a brand new one.

“Touch it,” Arthur said, and Merlin wrapped his fingers around Arthur’s wrist and traced his fingers along the surface. The leather was soft, thinner than Arthur’s usual gloves, and there were hardly any noticeable seams. “I could touch you with this on. I could drag my fingers over your skin and let you feel the touch of the leather. If you... if you want me to, that is,” Arthur whispered, gaining a note of uncertainty at the end of the sentence. Merlin didn’t have the words to express what that thought was doing to him, so he kept his hold on Arthur’s wrist and sucked two of the fingers into his mouth. The taste of leather was poignant, and Arthur drew a sharp breath as Merlin licked and sucked his fingers through the glove.

“Bed,” Arthur said in an unsteady voice, and Merlin removed his shirt and dropped his trousers before settling onto it. He felt like covering himself, because Arthur was still dressed, but he resisted the want, because Arthur was _looking_ at him, drinking him in. Merlin wasn’t sure how he had not yet burst with the need to be touched.

“Don’t just stand there. Show me what you think you can do with that glove,” Merlin whispered, and Arthur shook himself out of his reverie and pulled off his shirt.

Arthur was heavy on top of Merlin, but he didn’t care when Arthur crushed their lips together and pushed his tongue into his mouth. Merlin had his fingers pushed into Arthur’s hair, and Arthur was making the most delicious noises. His hand was on Merlin’s neck and began to go downwards from there. The leather brushed Merlin’s nipples, stroked at his lower stomach, and finally wrapped around Merlin’s cock.

“Have you done this before?” Arthur asked. Merlin left out a sound that was half-gasp, half-laughter.

“Define _this_ ,” he said instead of giving the straight answer.

“Have you had anyone in your bed?”

Merlin nodded.

“Have you... Have you ever been inside someone?”

Another nod.

“Have you...” Arthur touched Merlin’s backside. “Have you been entered here?”

Shake of head now.

“What about fingers? Have you had those inside you?” Arthur asked, now pressing the point of pleasure behind Merlin’s balls with one fingertip. Merlin gasped and nodded again.

“How many?” Arthur demanded, stroking Merlin’s hole with the finger. Merlin was writhing with the pleasure of leather and Arthur and being touched like this.

“Three,” Merlin answered finally, and Arthur pulled back. He leaned over to take something from the bedside table.

“Do you want me to...” Arthur began and coughed softly. “Do you want my fingers in you?”

“Oh, gods, yes, please.”

Merlin took two pillows and pushed them under his hips to give Arthur a better angle. Meanwhile Arthur opened the bottle he had in his hand and poured some of the oil _over the glove_. Merlin was staring, not entirely comprehending what was happening, and then Arthur pushed the first finger in with his glove still on.

“Oh, fuck,” Merlin gasped. The feel of leather inside him was intense, smooth and like nothing he had ever felt before. It was nothing like he had imagined, because this couldn’t be imagined without feeling it first. The finger pushed into the tight channel slowly and Merlin saw Arthur pouring more oil onto the leather before pushing another finger in next to the first one. It was a mix of sensations; the oil slicking his hole and dripping on the sheets and pillows from inside him, the strange feeling of fingers that didn’t feel exactly like fingers, the nip of pain he felt because it happened so fast, and _Arthur_ above him and pressing tiny kisses to his neck and jaw. He felt a twinge of pleasure going through his body when Arthur found the prostate and pressed against it.

“Can you take another one?” Arthur asked, scissoring the two fingers inside him, and Merlin could only nod, his hips doing small movements on their own. Arthur kissed his mouth and pushed the third finger in. Merlin tilted his hips to meet the intrusion and it was good. It made a burn start deep inside him and fuck, he had wanted this for so long. He felt stretched and full and owned, but somehow safe and protected at the same time. He knew Arthur was sometimes a thoughtless bastard and slapped him and didn’t think how real the possibility of him hurting someone with his horseplay was. But this, like this Merlin felt safe. Like this he knew Arthur wouldn’t hurt him on purpose and would try his best not to hurt him by accident either, because this was all about pleasure. This was about them being together and enjoying what they both needed. This was them seeing each other stripped bare, at their most vulnerable, and that on its own was the most brilliant feeling Merlin had ever experienced. Arthur was still the one in command, but if Merlin asked him to stop Merlin knew he would immediately. 

So when Arthur kneeled next to Merlin’s hips and started to push the fourth one in, with more oil and some adjusting of the other fingers, Merlin let him. He tensed for a bit, but Arthur was licking and sucking Merlin’s hip now and gently stroking his cock with the gloveless hand, so Merlin relaxed and let Arthur in the rest of the way. He was breathing too hard and drawing gasping breaths and trying his best to keep his sanity when Arthur’s lips briefly brushed his cock.

The feeling of being stretched and Arthur pressing Merlin’s prostate and Arthur’s lips on his skin was almost overwhelming, and Merlin wanted to cry from the pleasure.

“What else do you want, Merlin?” Arthur whispered, climbing up next to him and pressing a kiss behind his ear. “Tell me.”

“I...” Merlin began. It was hard to think when Arthur’s fingertips were stroking the spot inside him and he was so far gone. He would’ve liked Arthur to fuck him, but not now, not after this.

It didn’t feel right today.

And then an image popped into his mind.

Arthur pulling the glove on and fisting his hand, and that, that was what Merlin wanted.

“Can you...” Merlin began again, swallowing. He was already almost there. It was pain and pleasure almost enough to bring him to the edge and over it but still not quite enough. He didn’t have the vocabulary to explain what he wanted and when he opened his mouth, what came out was,

“Can you fit the thumb in too?”

“Oh, gods. You want that?” Arthur groaned against Merlin’s shoulder and adjusted his trousers. “I’m... I’m not sure, but bloody hell, Merlin. You need to be sure. I need you to be sure.”

“I’m sure,” Merlin said even though he wasn’t. This was something he wanted beyond being sure about it.

“Okay,” Arthur said and drew a calming breath. “Okay. Tell me instantly if you’re hurting. At once, Merlin, do you understand me? I don’t want to... I don’t want to tear anything.”

Merlin nodded and concentrated on the feeling of Arthur pulling his fingers half out and pouring a lot more oil on the glove. Then Arthur was pushing back in, and this time the hand felt large. It was bigger than anything else that had ever been inside him and the stretching was just on the border of painful. Merlin tried to blink away the tears that were forming under his eyelids, but it was a lost cause. When Arthur noticed the tears he stopped and began to pull his hand away, but Merlin caught his wrist and pressed the hand deeper inside him.

“Fuck, Arthur. Don’t... Don’t stop. I’m fine. It feels...” Merlin gasped and opened his legs even further to help the broad part across the ring of muscle. It hurt more than it felt good, but it was worth it because Merlin could feel the whole hand sinking inside him and see the look on Arthur’s face when the rest of the hand slid in on its own, all the way to the wrist. Arthur’s expression was one of wonder and worry, but he was no longer trying to pull the hand away. Instead he was hastily opening his own trousers with his free hand and pushing them down to get a hold of his own cock. Merlin wanted to help, but Arthur pushed him back on the bed when Merlin tried to sit up.

“Don’t... Don’t move. You need to... lie down,” Arthur mumbled, but when Merlin reached his hand to stroke Arthur’s cock he didn’t object and instead pressed his forehead against Merlin’s hipbone.

Arthur’s fingertips touched his prostate then, and Merlin cried out. He was shaking with the feeling of being so full and he tried to get more friction, tried to get the final push he needed to cross the line. Then he felt Arthur crooking his fingers inside him and pulling them into a fist. The knuckles brushed his prostate one more time and Merlin could feel the white-hot pleasure bursting in his stomach and behind his balls, and finally shooting the strings of come on his skin. Arthur was holding Merlin’s now-limp hand in his and stroking his cock hard and fast as he muttered obscenities under his breath.

“Fuck, fuck, _Merlin_!” he gasped and came all over his and Merlin’s hands. Merlin felt like he never wanted to move again but he lifted his hips to help Arthur get his hand out. It slid out easily enough now that Merlin was still glowing in post-orgasmic bliss and was too tired to mind the slight pain.

Arthur pushed his trousers away, pulled the dirty glove off and threw it somewhere, and pulled Merlin to change his position until they were lying on their sides, face to face.

“How do you feel?”

“Mmm, going to be sore tomorrow,” Merlin said, and blinked, because a feeling of disbelief washed over him. Was Arthur really here? Had they just...? It felt surreal to touch Arthur so intimately after wanting it for so long, and Merlin expected to wake up any second now.

Arthur flinched.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to...”

Merlin shut him up with his mouth.

“I wanted it,” he said. There were other things he should’ve said then. About what had happened with Arthur’s father, about their relationship now changing to something more complicated, and about magic and destiny and prophecies. The sex was a good analogy of their relationship in general. They needed each other in ways they couldn’t quite express or know how to ask, and it was just on the border of painful most of the time, but still they fit together perfectly; completed each other. In the end it was worth it. It was all so worth it no matter how it ended.

“Will you stay for the night?” Arthur asked. Merlin nodded and pushed his face in the crook of Arthur’s neck. Arthur pulled the blankets over them and squeezed Merlin closer.

“Just so you know, I like this kind of spooning better than what you did with the real spoon,” Merlin mumbled before falling asleep.

-fin-


End file.
